LIFE IS HARD

在这夜深人静的夜晚里（也没多夜深啦，才11点多），我来写心情了！ :) 分类写呗。

1） 最近和失去联络的朋友亲密起来了 （我是指朋友的亲密）。不是多心，一要好，就变得超级好；一没联络，就真的会长期不联络。 已经试过很多次了，所以在想这一次也会不会一样重蹈覆辙。多少次告诉自己不要在乎了，但却没法控制自己。真的很讨厌。

2） 眼看朋友一个一个的离开，真的很怕会剩下自己一人。当然也替他们开心，只是有点寂寞而已。

3） 心脏好像稍微不强壮了，有时突然会跳得很快，有时上气不接下气。但还死不了 :)

4） 还是一句老话，我在乎别人多过于别人在乎我。

HAIRSPRAY THE BROADWAY MUSICAL

Anyone knows about Hairspray The Broadway Musical?

Yes, thanks to my friend for giving me this opportunity to watch this awesome musical play. We went for the most expensive seats which cost RM590.

The songs they sang are great! Audiences could easily get attached to the songs and play. I wanted to shout "WOAHHHHH" but I tried really hard to stop myself although the aunties next to me were very hyper and laughing nonstop. *Nakjagaimagesikit* :P The props they used are fantastic! I bet the designers had given his/her best to produce all the props. Overall, it worth the price. (Y)

NOBODY KNOWS ME, INCLUDING MYSELF.

Always hope to achieve something new everyday, even just a small achievement yet it is still something new. However, it's not that easy to do so. Efforts and determination are required. Just hope that I could do this one day :)

Weren't being active on blogger for such a long time! Checked out some blogs just now. People are spending their time wisely and achieving something all the time. Reflectively I see myself wasting time, being non productive, achieving nothing, learning nothing everyday. I feel sinful and yet I don't know how to make a change. Could not find a way to be inspired and motivated. Life is getting meaningless. 

Somehow, I felt a sense of happiness after seeing friends are having good and prosperity life all the time. At least, they live better than me. Seeing people who came into my life and left, I have already numb I guess. I told myself not to feel anything - sadness, madness or loneliness. Living with this concept may be a little meaningless but this avoids myself getting hurt. I am just being protective to myself. I forgot whether someone said to me or I gone through some notes that is it my own problem that cause me having a little number of friends? Think about it. Yes I guess so but what to do. This is me and I could not change anything.

Awhile ago, my mom said to me, "Have a plan on what you want to achieve before 25 years old. Owns a car? Having the ability to buy whatever you want? Having how much savings? and so on". What she said bothers me a lot. I have realized that I am achieving nothing and do not have a target on my future. I am the one who plans before taking any actions but usually do not stick to the plan, hence I always think I do not need a plan. Nevertheless, she has a point. Still, I do not have a target so far. Will figure it out some day.

 这篇文章花了蛮长的时间来完成，虽然短但已经把我最近所想的，所面对的写完出来。可是，什么都没领悟到。只能告诉自己，再接再厉，继续努力，船到桥头自然直。

变质

这几天好情绪化。
很容易就眼泪满眶的，想哭。
可能是因为最近的事情吧。
朋友变质了，不像以前腻在一起，有时也无法商量。
累了累了，不想努力下去了。
不舒服。

谁认真，谁就输了。

谁认真，谁就输了。

朋友放飞机放到习惯了。。。很是不舒服，却只能忍下来。
不奢望任何人改变态度，迁就我；但至少履行承诺。
如果做不到，就不要轻易答应；答应了，就请无论如何都要做到。

我或许太认真了，我也就输了，无数次。

那些年很笨的自己

最近心情有些许复杂。
前天偶然遇见没有想过会再见面也不想再见面的人。
一个无缘无故消失的人；
一个不把我当朋友的人；
一个让我觉得自己被耍的人。
当看见他的那一霎那，心想：‘不会是他吧！’。
当他回望我时，确定是他了。
偏偏妈妈却向他的方向走去，我只好也过去了。
他向我搭话而我给他一副 ‘你是谁？’ 的样子。
他：“XX的女朋友？”
我：持续一副 ‘你是谁？’ 的样子 【当然是故意的】
他：“做么酱冷？”
我：“什么冷？”
他：“反应酱冷，以前都不是这样的。”
我：“人是会变的嘛” 【心想讲够了没，我不想跟你谈】
此时，妈妈过来了。
他直接跟妈妈说：”以前认识的，一起读书，大她几年。”
妈妈：“怎样认识的？”
忘了他怎样回答，但我很紧张他说前男友的朋友。
之后就没什么了。

这事还蛮困扰我的，我也不知道为啥。
“明明是你先不理我的，不把我当成朋友，你有什么资格说我变了？！妈的，有够不爽的！”

同时也讨厌自己去在意别人不在意的事情。

Learning in Progress

最近发生了蛮多事情，maybe not. 有可能是我想多了，也有可能在不知不觉中我们的感情变质了，也或许只是我生理的问题影响我的心理。

学着放下，学着释放，学着不管那么多。

I just don't want to give a fuck.

Do it for your PRIDE

突然想写文章，平时也有想写文章的冲动，但往往在我真的写的时候就会忘了我其实要写些什么。今天就不迟疑的写，尽情地写吧！:)

还有一个多月就是我的生日了。每一年，我最期待的日子不是新年，中秋还是圣诞，是我的生日。今年当然也不例外，特别的是掺杂了别的感觉。总觉得，过了二十就很快就三十了，而我好像什么事都没做到。

曾经有多很多理想，或许现在还有，可是都没实现过。看见别人做到我想做的事，真的很羡慕。自己却啥都没有。有时会恨自己，恨自己为什么那么胆小，那么没自信， 那么没用。可是这到头来也改变不了什么。有让自己大胆些，也有成功过，可是有些事情就是不够胆量踏出第一步。明明就知道如果不勇敢地做些什么，就不会有改变，自己就是一直在原地踏步，然而就是不够动力和勇气。

我一直都在错过。。。

You can be the greatest

You can be the best

You can be the King Kong banging on your chest

You could beat the world

You could beat the war

You could talk to God, go banging on his door

You can throw your hands up

You can beat the clock

You can move a mountain

You can break rocks

You can be a master

Don't wait for luck

Dedicate yourself and you gonna find yourself

Sitting in the hall of fame
And the world's gonna know your name
Cause you burn with the brightest flame
And the world's gonna know your name
And you'll be on the walls of the hall of fame

Do it for your people, Do it for your pride, How you ever gonna know if you never even try?

暮然回首。

悄悄的我走了, 正如我悄悄的來; 我揮一揮衣袖, 不帶走一片雲彩.  

--- 徐志摩

你。

又想起你了，那么久了还是时不时回想起你。到现在还是会看回你以前写给我的信，其实还蛮怀念以前的自己。很想谈场单纯的恋爱，现在的人太复杂了。何时玩弄，何时真心，真的都分不出。怎么才能爱得单纯，爱得简单，爱得轻松。长得越大，思想越诚熟，心房就越不容易打开。

F***

This was the second time my purse was stolen/snatched. This time is worst. The whole bag was snatched. There's PURSE, PHONE, PORTABLE CHARGER in. asdfghjkl;' I want my phone back! Asshole TMD.

Peekaboo!

Here's the sneak peek of yesterday's photo shoot!

 Fashion Rockstar? Opps, I'm guilty ;)

 (Y)

 Personally love this most! <3

You there? :)

Stay tuned for more! xoxo

Photo Shooting Session

Had a photo shooting session with le friends - Joyce & Jia Yi. When I say photo shooting session, I mean the real well planned photo shooting session with locations, theme, clothes, hairstyles ready. Nottheplayplayone. It would be my first real photo shooting. I wasn't really let people take me as a model. Camwhore I know la :P That's probably because I have low self confidence. Not saying that now I am having HIGH self confidence but I am trying to change my thinking and stand out more. No more standing/hiding behind people. Overall, that was fun. I enjoyed it pretty well. Joyce was the core photographer who took Jia Yi's and my photos while I was the assistant photographer(?) who took Joyce's photos. When the moment the photographer compliment on the outcome, yes the feeling is real good :D So just stay tuned for the photos! ;)

朋友

我算是一个孤僻的人吗？我也想要有很多朋友，聊不完的话题。可是，可能是我自卑吧。对外，对内都没自信。其实很羡慕那些拥有很多朋友的人。我知道朋友都会安慰我说，做自己，不需要勉强自己，什么什么的。只是，羡慕而已。
我发现我其实是个蛮自我的人。我希望别人都以我为中心但却往往都是我以别人为中心。或许我太渴望'朋友'了吧，常常太过容易付出真心和人做朋友，导致时常受伤。朋友是有，但都是那种没联络，见面才hi-bye。有些还，'我认识你的吗？'。此时的我，只能一个人失落，没有人会了解我的心情。
常常玩自闭，可能是因为这个原因吧。不说话，不搭话，不主动。别人说微笑就是最漂亮的化妆品。骗人的吧？
试着改变自己，但是好像非常的失败。想要做自己，前提是不介意没朋友。还是算了吧？我是注定只有固定的那几个好朋友吧。有他们，还不算太差。只是人就是比较贪心点的吧。

New year resolution

It's a bit too late to write about new year resolution but who cares? Haha

Just thought of my new year resolution (used to not have any as I mentioned in the previous post).

1)  Jog on weekend
2) Study hard
3) Be more passionate on Fashion
4) Improve my English
5) Get part time job
6) Spend less, earn more
7) Bring up Estrella Concession
8) Drink more water

That's all for now I guess.

Happy 2013! :D

Time flies. I am 20 years old now :O Ohmaigawd. New year new resolution? Surprisingly, I got no resolutions for this year. At least, I don't have any NOW.

I went to countdown for the first time, with le best friend <3 I went Desa Park City. There was a carnival and a concert. A great experience, love the atmosphere that everybody countdown together and watch the fireworks together.

Another thing that started my 2013 was, my phone is now in the factory having it's repairing service. What a great greeting from le phone D:

Hope my 2013 will be great!